i probably earned this heartbreak
Of course I feel rejected, I mean I was, wasn’t I? He could have written back, spend 13 seconds typing in a sentence, but no he just let me hang. Who am I to complain, how many times have I done the same? Many times, maybe some would say too many times.
I am a heartbreaker and I know it, know it too well, sometimes I even delight in it, in the power it gives me over someone..I know I am awful, make no mistake. But that doesnt make it hurt less when someone I love turns their shoulder on me, not even wanting to look at me over their shoulder.
I am sure he has met someone else, hence his not replying, his evasiveness..he and I could never have worked. We were not right. But it still hurts.
I dreamed of us being together, holding hands, dancing, touching…I dreamed of us 100 times. I was devastated when he left, when I thought I lost him. Well, I did lose him. Maybe not then, but slowly, gradually, he is gone from my life.
Did I love him, did I really love him? I started to, I would have, I could have, as they say, it could have been. But it was never to be, never to be. How foolish was I to think it would ever be something?
I guess I am really hurt, he didnt have the courtesy to tell me…I guess from his perspective, what would he have said? What could he have told me? Same with Timo, what should I tell him – go away I dont want you?
I am truly a terrible person, greg was lucky to get away. Any smart man would realize what a mess I am and just stay away…
