An Incompatible Date

October 12, 2011 at 9:42 am (dating, uncertainty) (awkward, dating, incompatible)

Last night after my non-productive day at work, I went with Zands to the mall where we both bought really cute, similar shoes, from Deichman. Mine are booties, as are hers, but mine have a larger heel and are black, while hers are brown. Then I got a text from Andrea, and we agreed to meet at 9 at the Galleria. Zands and I got mini-wines from the supermarket after initially planning to have a sober night. So did not happen! She calls Andrea Italy Boy. He almost does not seem Italian though.

I was quite nervous with Andrea. Here he is – this man wears a white scarf, moves from city to city, has a job he loves that pays well, throws dinner parties…I am so far from that. I am this mess who wears ripped tights, spends 12 hours each weekend day dancing to electronic music while drunk…

How could he ever want to be with me? The answer is he would not the way I am, I would have to change, which I could and maybe.. I should? But I am so addicted to nightclubs, I crave them, I love them, how can I live without them?

I was so nervous while we spoke when he asked me to tell him about me, in a way like a gentleman. Ahh that is what it is, he is a gentleman and although maybe I fool you on first glance, I am far from a lady. I am a mess!!

I was nervous the whole date. We walked to Hackerscher Markt then to near Rosa Lux. where he picked a Japanese restaurant to eat in, which incidentally did not serve sushi. I pretended I had already eaten while he orded two appetizers for his dinner. I ate later alone at home. There was nothing on the menu I could have eaten! Everything has pasta, or rice, or was fried. Not on the skinny-caity diet.

I just drank wine, while he drank saki. I did my best not to giggle as he showed slight signs of inebriation, as he is a light weight. I was having trouble breathing though, as I had not had any heilerde since Zands and I had ‘pregamed’ my date and found myself short of breathe while talking, so I had to go to the restroom and bring my bag with!

His face is quite lovely, his eyes are beautiful, but for some reason I did not really gaze into them. Perhaps I felt inadequate, wondering, why would he like me? The same thing I thought about Greg. They both have something gentlemanly about them, they would both be horrified by the mess that is my apartment. I felt insecure, felt he would look at me and find me unattractive.

We got along though, had plenty to talk about, but when we left things got a bit weird. He used his GPS to lead us both home. However we parted AS SOON AS are paths were not paired on the gps, he could have easily walked me around the corner to my destination but he did not. He kissed my cheeks and went his way.

I guess that means he does not like me? He did not seem to at the end, maybe he realized he wants a lady, while I…my tights were ripped yesterday! I can barely hold myself together. No, it could never work. It just hurt my ego a bit to be confronted with someone who is somehow..in what I perceive as a higher position than myself, living with the CEO and practically a CEO himself.