“Don’t worry about Henri,” said Paul as he kissed me by the bar in the club. Part of me thought, “huh? wait? isn’t he your best friend though?” Although I said nothing. I wondered, Do Paul and Henri just not talk about their love lives together? Because I doubted Paul would say that to me if he knew Henri was my boyfriend, and Henri would not have been so eager to go out with me and Paul together if he knew that Paul and I still liked one another. But apparently…Henri and Paul are best friends…and NEVER TALK ABOUT THEIR LOVE LIVES TOGETHER. German men!
I was entirely confused when Henri told me this. Did Paul think he was coming to the club with his best friend, Henri, and his lover, me, and did Henri at the same time think that he was also coming to the club with his best friend, Paul and his lover, me? I had been speaking to them both through SMS and I assumed that Henri had told Paul I was his so this was okay…but it seems that they both went believing I was with them individually.
Originally, I met Paul and kissed him, and met him again and then met Henri though him the night he fought with his ex-girlfriend and left the club in anger. Henri made a move on me, and I assumed Paul had told him it was fine, that he was no longer interested in me. I also assumed Henri had seen me kiss Paul because he had (but he did not remember this until I pointed it out to him later.) So I assumed they both knew about one another when in reality neither had any clue.
I started dating Henri when Paul left the country for 2 weeks, only to have Paul come back and want to see me again. My feelings for Paul were and are stronger, although Henri and I have grown very close.
Paul is horribly attractive to me- his stoicism, his perfect face, his funny dancing, his body, his voice…and I was such a drunken mess that when he took my hand…again like last time in the same club…I was enthralled. I do not have the ability to resist him, no matter how much I care about Henri.
I began to panick at one point when I realized that each one thought I belonged to him- what if there was a confrontation? Neither likes to kiss in front of his friend, fortunately for me, but I began to fear that Henri would assume I was going home with him at the end of the night and then Paul would see..indeed…how is it possible it has gone on like this?
So around 3a.m. I fled, leaving both of them in the club I had convinced them to go to. I did not know what else to do, it was simply luck that kept one away while I kissed the other during the night. How long could my luck last?
Henri is falling in love with me and wants to date me (is/was my boyfriend) and Paul…well he likes kissing me but he is stoic, and “can’t talk about his feelings” so I do not know what he wants. I do not know what to do. I would like to have them both, but I can’t.
August 29, 2008 at 4:05 am |
Maybe its time to leave both of them – it sounds like a situation in which there will be no winners.