I have had so many fantasies in which I fell in love with someone or other, and everything was so beautiful. Life was somehow different, there was this hidden understanding between me and whoever I loved. It is so easy to run with your imagination, and create a lovely world where everything is ironed smooth. Yet for all the work put up into conjuring it up, in its utmost fabulousity ..yet…a fantasy is so quickly forgotten!
What would the object of my past dreams, now forgotten and left to evaporate, think if they could see them? What would I think if I could see all the fantasies men have had about me? Dreams are so personal, we expose ourselves in them so fully, imagine a world in which we had access to the secret dreams of others! I would simply die if the men I loved in dreams saw what I once cherished…but I would probably die FIRST if I saw what men imagined from me.
Sometimes I wonder what became of all of my forgotten hopes…of all the moonlit walks I took with X or M in my head, all the things I never think of anymore, they, having served their purpose, now being dissipated wisps my past. Now that I have moved on from them of course, I am almost abashed by the dreams I harbored for ‘us,’ as I am fickle and no longer desire the objects I once did. Almost everytime I have been with someone I fantasized about, they tore down my illusions.
I guess the best way is to not fantasize about others. But something in me, even when I have the perfect boyfriend, loves to have someone unattainable and far away to dream of…as to hold onto some illusions, that reality cannot destroy. I need an unrequited love, on top of my real life lovers, except when i have too many.
I always have someone in my heart and whoever that is I love so dearly… I can’t but think of them sometimes. Like I am thinking of someone now!
Tags: daydream, fantasy, love, unrequited
